I grew up having to piss in a bucket ’cos there was no indoor shitter, and now I have these computerised Japanese super-loo things that have heated seats and wash and blow-dry your arse at the touch of a button. Give it a couple of years and I’ll have a bog with a robot arm that pulls out my turds, so I don’t have to strain.

I open the door for old ladies, I help old ladies across the road. I do a show for leukemia every year, but I don't broadcast that because it's against my image.

But the thing with us was, we didn’t really need anyone to make us world famous – we were already halfway there.

Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.

Let me explain something to you - you have not been standing in front of thirty thousand decibals for thirty-five years - write me a note!

Suicide is the only way out.

I'll only retire in the day I should be dead and they have me buried, and some idiot spell over my casket some stupid gospel stuff.