I used to fantasize that Paul McCartney would marry my sister.

It [retirement] was absolutely boring. You can't go and say, 'I'm retired now. That's it!' It won't take long and you're really gone for good and someone throws the last shovel of dirt on a coffin with your name on it. That's the moment you're really retiring - when you die.

At 18, if someone had said to me, "I think you should go to rehab and get cleaned up," I would have thought, "You're fucking mad."

I grew up having to piss in a bucket ’cos there was no indoor shitter, and now I have these computerised Japanese super-loo things that have heated seats and wash and blow-dry your arse at the touch of a button. Give it a couple of years and I’ll have a bog with a robot arm that pulls out my turds, so I don’t have to strain.

Sex isn't the priority anymore, now I'm 65. But it still goes on. I want it and she doesn't, same as ever.

I'll always be an outrageous character.

I couldn't be a royal. It's like living in a supersonic goldfish bowl.