I was curious, given the swimming pools of booze I’ve guzzled over the years - not to mention all of the cocaine, morphine, sleeping pills, cough syrup, LSD, Rohypnol… there’s really no plausible medical reason why I should still be alive. Maybe my DNA could say why.

My son Jack just got out of rehab, he's 17 years old and he got hooked on Oxycontin and I'm just a little pissed off that he never gave me a few.

At 18, if someone had said to me, "I think you should go to rehab and get cleaned up," I would have thought, "You're fucking mad."

They say military have the so-called 'secret intelligence' - this amount of intelligence must be very secret, since I've never seen any intelligent military person, nor I have seen any sense in the bloody stupid wars.

I have no faith in my ability to judge things.

I'm about caring, I'm about people, and I'm about entertaining people. I'm a family man. A husband. A father. I've been a lot of other things over the years, which we don't really want to talk about.

I always feel like I am on the dark side of the tracks. I feel I'm no good. I can't read.