I am not always good and noble. I am the hero of this story, but I have my off moments.

A man who has spent most of his adult life trying out a series of patent medicines is always an optimist.

I never want to see anyone, and I never want to go anywhere or do anything. I just want to write.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

It is fatal to let any dog know that he is funny, for he immediately loses his head and starts hamming it up.