I believe there are two ways of writing novels. One is mine, making a sort of musical comedy without music and ignoring real life altogether; the other is going right deep down into life and not caring a damn.

Birds, except when broiled and in the society of a cold bottle, bored him stiff.

To persons of spirit like ourselves the only happy marriage is that which is based on a firm foundation of almost incessant quarrelling.

What I'm worrying about is what Tom is going to say when he starts talking." "Uncle Tom?" "I wish there was something else you could call him except 'Uncle Tom,' " Aunt Dahlia said a little testily. "Every time you do it, I expect to see him turn black and start playing the banjo.

Never put anything on paper, my boy, and never trust a man with a small black moustache.

Chumps always make the best husbands. All the unhappy marriages come from the husbands having brains.

That is life. Just one long succession of misunderstandings and rash acts and what not. Absolutely.