-'What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?' There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter

A man who has spent most of his adult life trying out a series of patent medicines is always an optimist.

Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his head first, and if it rings solid, don't hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him.

In every romance you have to budget for the occasional dust-up.

I am told by those who know that there are six varieties of hangover-the Broken Compass, the Sewing Machine, the Comet, the Atomic, the Cement Mixer and the Gremlin Boogie, and his manner suggested that he had got them all.

I'm not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare who says that it's always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping.

It was one of those parties where you cough twice before you speak and then decide not to say it after all.