Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning.

Never strike anyone so old, small or weak that verbal abuse would have sufficed.

If we're going to improve the environment, the first thing we should do is duck the government. The second thing we should do is quit being moral. Screw the rights of nature. Nature will have rights as soon as it get duties. The minute we see birds, trees, bugs, and squirrels picking up litter, giving money to charity, and keeping an eye on our kids at the park, we'll let them vote.

The motorcycle is a device created by the team of God and Darwin to rid the world of useless young males.

Never serve oysters in a month that has no paycheck in it.

One thing talk can't accomplish is communication. This is because everybody's talking too much to pay attention to what anyone is saying

The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know.