There are just two rules of governance in a free society: Mind your own business. Keep your hands to yourself.

War will exist as long as there's a food chain.

Never fight an inanimate object.

If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I'll add it to the wrong end.

The very existence of the bicycle is an offense to reason and wisdom.

Many reporters, when they go to work in the nation's capital, begin thinking of themselves as participants in the political process instead of glorified stenographers.

We'll run this planet as we please, and if you don't like it, go back where we came from.