When a couple decides to divorce, they should inform both sets of parents before having a party and telling all their friends. This is not only courteous but practical. Parents may be very willing to pitch in with comments, criticism, and malicious gossip of their own to help the divorce along.

Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

If you're doing a column, you kind of have to. Like in the back of Sports Illustrated, Rick Reilly has to find something to be mad about. It's not really the way I approach things.

The Soviet constitution guarantees everyone a job. A pretty scary idea, I'd say.

Industrialization came to England but has since left.

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.