Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are lots of levels of fear and complaint about the government getting involved in business. First and foremost, of course, is incompetence.

Actually, there is no way of making vomiting courteous. You have to do the next best thing, which is to vomit in such a way that the story you tell about it later will be amusing.

As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children.

I've been a New Yorker for ten years, and the only people who are nice to us turn out to be Moonies.

The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.

The Tenth Commandment sends a message to socialists, to collectivists, to people who believe that wealth is best obtained by redistribution, and that message is clear and concise . . . Egalitarianism is sinful; it's also cowardly.