If you spend seventy-two hours in a place you've never been, talking to people whose language you don't speak about social, political, and economic complexities you don't understand, and you come back as the world's biggest know-it-all, you're a reporter.

Generally it's not a good idea to wear Banana Republic - type khaki journalist clothes in a war zone. You might look too much like something that's supposed to be shot, such as a journalist.

In theory, taxes should be like shopping. What I buy is government services. What I pay are my taxes.

Some people are worried about the difference between right and wrong. I'm worried about the difference between wrong and fun.

Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch.

That doesn't mean that you should just sit back and just let accidents happen to you. No, you have to go out and cause them yourself. That way you're in control of the situation.

I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser.