Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

In the American political system, you're only allowed to have real ideas if it's absolutely guaranteed that you can't win an election

With Epcot Center, the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life.

There's no such thing as a trade deficit.

When I left the Lampoon, I went west to try that out, and discovered that I hated it.They were awful people turning out awful product .

Oh, God. The Sixties are coming back. Well I've got a 12-gauge double-barreled duck gun chambered for three-inch Magnum shells. And - speaking strictly for this retired hippie and former pinko beatnik - if the Sixties head my way, they won't get past the porch steps. They will be history. Which, for chrissakes, is what they're supposed to be.

Everything that's fun in life is dangerous. Horse races, for instance, are very dangerous. But attempt to design a safe horse and the result is a cow ... It is impossible to be alive and safe.