Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent!

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.

If Disney still wants to make Epcot Center futuristic, they could do so by blowing the place up with an atom bomb.

We are a nation that worships speed and power. And for good reason. Without power we would still be part of England and everybody would be out of work... Bicycles are too slow and impuissant for a nation like ours. They belong in Czechoslovakia.

[Wave of bestselling conservative commentators] it's kind of like reading The Power Of Positive Thinking, or any other advice or how-to book. All they do is reassure people of their basic opinions, and then they can continue to act like they've always acted. I'd say it's time to move on to something else, but I don't know what it would be.

Satan probably wouldn't have talked so big if God had been his wife.

African famine is not a visitation of fate. It is largely man-made, and the men who made it are largely Africans.