Imagine having journalists in your own home and not even covering the furniture with plastic sheets first.

Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don't draft people; it's not jury duty.

You can't shame or humiliate modern celebrities. What used to be called shame and humiliation is now called publicity.

I was managing editor for a while [in National Lampoon ], and it does cause business problems when your circulation goes up.

Worshiping the earth is more fun than going to church. It's also closer.

The great thing about starting golf in your forties is that you can start golf in your forties. You can start other things in your forties but generally your wife makes you stop them, as Bill Clinton found out.

Humor is, by its nature, more truthful than factual.