We're told cars cause pollution. A hundred years ago city streets were ankle deep in horse excrement. What kind of pollution do you want? Would you rather die of cancer at eighty or typhoid fever at nine?

The Soviet constitution guarantees everyone a job. A pretty scary idea, I'd say.

The government is huge, stupid, greedy and makes nosy, officious and dangerous intrusions into the smallest corners of life - this much we can stand. But the real problem is that government is boring. We could cure or mitigate the other ills Washington visits on us if we could only bring ourselves to pay attention to Washington itself. But we cannot.

We're gonna be in a world of hurt if we don't get it fixed, because there's going to be billions of people out there - they're hungry, they're mad. One thing that they can get their hands on is guns.

Zero-sum thinking is an obsession of mine, but mostly in economics.

It's better to make fun of yourself because you've always got someone around to make fun of, and they can't sue you.

When I left the Lampoon, I went west to try that out, and discovered that I hated it.They were awful people turning out awful product .