There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A politician who portrays himself as "caring" and "sensitive" because he wants to expand the government's charitable programs is merely saying that he's willing to try to do good with other people's money. Well, who isn't? And a voter who takes pride in supporting such programs is telling us that he'll do good with his own money - if a gun is held to his head.

There are a lot of mysterious things about boats, such as why anyone would get on one voluntarily.

Never fight an inanimate object.

I started reading Hunter S. Thompson when I was in college.

Creative writing teachers should be purged until every last instructor who has uttered the words 'Write what you know' is confined to a labor camp. Please, talented scribblers, write what you don't. The blind guy with the funny little harp who composed The Iliad, how much combat do you think he saw?

Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals when their cheery effect is needed.

Government conspiracy? They can't even deliver our mail and it's got our address on it and everything!