The Italians have had 2,000 years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place!

One thing talk can't accomplish is communication. This is because everybody's talking too much to pay attention to what anyone is saying

The Harvard Lampoon itself, which had a pretty stellar run in the '60s.

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

Sometimes you need a B-2 bomber and sometimes you need your mother.

Good manners are a combination of intelligence, education, taste and style mixed together so that you don't need any of those things.

No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal