The Italians have had 2,000 years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place!

The neo-hippie-dips, the sentimentality-crazed iguana anthropomorphizers, the Chicken Littles, the three-bong-hit William Blakes- thank God these people don't actually go outdoors much, or the environment would be even worse than it is already.

Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.

Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less.

The American political system is like fast food - mushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things and everybody wants some.

The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and we can fix that."

Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work, and then they get elected and prove it.