God has no role to play in politics except to make sure politicians go where they belong. To hell.

[Al] Franken is left-wing and funny. He's a pretty good political humorist.

There's no such thing as a trade deficit.

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

When a couple decides to divorce, they should inform both sets of parents before having a party and telling all their friends. This is not only courteous but practical. Parents may be very willing to pitch in with comments, criticism, and malicious gossip of their own to help the divorce along.

People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs.

Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint.