I can understand why mankind hasn't given up war. During a war you get to drive tanks through the sides of buildings and shoot foreigners - two things that are usually frowned on during peacetime.

It's better to make fun of yourself because you've always got someone around to make fun of, and they can't sue you.

Any trade that is voluntarily made is mutually beneficial, by definition, and, indeed, is balanced, by definition.

It's the squares who know how to fly the fighter planes and operate the missiles and the bombs and work the M-16s. Liberals would still be fumbling with the federally mandated trigger locks.

To really enjoy drugs you've got to want to get out of where you are. But there are some wheres that are harder to get out of than others. This is the drug-taking problem for adults. Teenage Weltscbmerz is easy to escape. But what drug will get a grown-up out of, for instance, debt?

People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs.

Humor is, by its nature, more truthful than factual.