I voted for Arnold Schwarzenegger 'cause I figured he can go back in the future. Put that in the act.

Everyone goes "every comedian does Arnold Schwarzenegger". Yes, they do; but do they do Arnold Schwarzenegger in Brokeback Mountain?

I'm not into those shows like "hey everybody, gather round the TV, let's watch The Simpsons!" I'm not one of those guys: "I gotta get home, man, Family Guy's on! I gotta race to my TV before I miss the episode of Family Guy!" I'm not one of those guys.

Nowadays there are so many stars on television.There are all these generic stars now.There's Dave Caruso...Dave Caruso's kind of fun: "I know he killed your family...but he won't do it again." He says the stupidest sh*t. "I know he shot your children, but he won't do it any more." There isn't really a recognisable personality out there.

In the nineties, it was all women being blonde and from Sweden. But now it's changed: it's all men looking like Ellen DeGeneres.

I'm a sports fan sometimes when I'm drunk. All my friends gamble on sports so whenever we watch a game, everyone's pissed off at the end! Sometimes the commentators speak so quickly, I think you've got to be on drugs to listen to them.

I love how the soccer guys just fall when they get kicked and go baby crying.They try to explain to the referee like he's their mother: "Wah! Did you see what he did?" Then they get back to playing soccer again.