Nowadays there are so many stars on television.There are all these generic stars now.There's Dave Caruso...Dave Caruso's kind of fun: "I know he killed your family...but he won't do it again." He says the stupidest sh*t. "I know he shot your children, but he won't do it any more." There isn't really a recognisable personality out there.

I love how the soccer guys just fall when they get kicked and go baby crying.They try to explain to the referee like he's their mother: "Wah! Did you see what he did?" Then they get back to playing soccer again.

Chicken pot pie--those are my three favorite things.

I'm not into those shows like "hey everybody, gather round the TV, let's watch The Simpsons!" I'm not one of those guys: "I gotta get home, man, Family Guy's on! I gotta race to my TV before I miss the episode of Family Guy!" I'm not one of those guys.

I voted for Arnold Schwarzenegger 'cause I figured he can go back in the future. Put that in the act.

In the nineties, it was all women being blonde and from Sweden. But now it's changed: it's all men looking like Ellen DeGeneres.

I'm a sports fan sometimes when I'm drunk. All my friends gamble on sports so whenever we watch a game, everyone's pissed off at the end! Sometimes the commentators speak so quickly, I think you've got to be on drugs to listen to them.