I really had to imagine the kind of person that I would have been if I had never left my hometown... I don't think I would have been a very pleasant person.

Stand-up is something I just truly love to do, so I'll always go back to it. I'll never stop doing it, that's for sure.

Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself.

I love doing movies, but right now, television is the way Hollywood was in the late '60s and early '70s. The dream era I would have loved to have been part of in Hollywood then is happening right now, but it's happening on television, with these big complicated story arcs and real character-driven shows and sheer ambiguity left and right.

The apocalypse is coming, that's the one thing I like about George Bush, I really think he can get us into the ... apocalypse, like the BIBLICAL ... I really think he believes that he'll be the guy in the white hat. I think he's read the Stephen King novel The Stand a couple times, and he really thinks there's a dark man in the desert somewhere and he's gonna fight him or something.

I'm not familiar with the metric system.

I would always rather shoot for something unique and fail than do a script because I feel like they're hitting all the right mainstream beats.