I really had to imagine the kind of person that I would have been if I had never left my hometown... I don't think I would have been a very pleasant person.

I'm always trying out new stuff onstage. That's where I do all my writing.

I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, 'Well, I've had it with humanity.' But I was wrong.

I've had some pretty good arguments with people, but I've never regretted it. I've had people come up where it's all emotion and no fact. That's always sad.

MySpace is somehow more welcoming than Facebook. And Twittering, I just... Ugh. I like having radio silence. I think radio silence is an important part of any public figure's day. We haven't seen it yet, but there's going to be a generation that comes up where the new trend will be complete anonymity. It'll be cool to have never posted anything online, commented, opened a webpage or a MySpace. I think everyone in the future is going to be allowed to be obscure for 15 minutes. You'll have 15 minutes where no one is watching you, and then you'll be shoved back onto your reality show.

I mean, the death in the late eighties and early nineties really shook out a lot of hacks. The pond just sort of dried up for a lot of really bad comedians.

It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.