If Kevin James or Paul Giamatti drop weight, I'm done. I don't want to be the last pudge out there.

To get asked to do stuff like 'United States Of Tara' and 'Caprica' is terrific. I can't complain.

If the victories we create in our heads were let loose on reality, the world we know would drown in blazing happiness.

I know how my body operates differently from what it did when it was 30 and when it was 20. As unhealthy as I am, I'm weirdly aware of exactly how my body functions.

We need conservatives that can accept gays, and then we need hippies that can shave and bathe.

Wars are usually really popular with people that aren't gonna be affected by them. 'Cause it's just entertainment, and it's just weird, like, "Well, we've got to show the world that we're strong." No we don't. And by the way, that has nothing to do with you. Why are you equating yourself with that&#Array; you know what I mean?

I've gotten very cynical and kind of anhedonic about all the things I have to do to get to do comedy: all the travel, hotels, and airports.