If Kevin James or Paul Giamatti drop weight, I'm done. I don't want to be the last pudge out there.

If you play comedic scenes like they're really serious, then it's so much more funny than if you're going for a laugh.

When you put an album out, you can't do any material from the album if people are paying to see you.

I haven't sworn off Facebook. I'm on Facebook. There's a fan page on Facebook that I will update, but I'm on there myself under a pseudonym, because there were a lot of people able to private-message me on Facebook, and it was getting really weird. And then with MySpace, I just don't read messages. I delete everything, and I just post updates every now and then.

I mean, the death in the late eighties and early nineties really shook out a lot of hacks. The pond just sort of dried up for a lot of really bad comedians.

The problem is, and I'm just as guilty of this, a lot of people see their follower count increase and mistake that for friendships. It's great to have followers, especially if you want to sell albums, promote shows, or promote your friends, but you still need to get outside and talk to other human beings.

I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you.