This sounds like a brag, but I know how to make good fried rice. I learned in college. There are two secrets - take the rice after you cook it and let it get cold in the fridge. Then cook the egg like you're making a fried egg and just before it's done, dump the rice and veg on it and swirl it around.
Patton OswaltI grew up in such a featureless, personality-less suburb. There was nothing to push against.
Patton OswaltI've hung out in the writer's room a few times, but the fact is we've got such a good writing staff, I don't want to get my peanut butter fingerprints on anything.
Patton OswaltI think I realized it was an art form at the beginning, but it took me a really long time before I was able to view what I was performing myself as an art form.
Patton OswaltWars are usually really popular with people that aren't gonna be affected by them. 'Cause it's just entertainment, and it's just weird, like, "Well, we've got to show the world that we're strong." No we don't. And by the way, that has nothing to do with you. Why are you equating yourself with thatArray; you know what I mean?
Patton Oswalt