I've gotten very cynical and kind of anhedonic about all the things I have to do to get to do comedy: all the travel, hotels, and airports.

You just do as many shows as you can to hone what it is you're working on.

I have a very tiny house in Burbank. I drive an 8-year-old car. I'm gonna drive it into the ground. I enjoy what I enjoy.

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'

People will find transformation and transcendence in a McDonald's hash brown if it's all they've got.

There's something kind of beautiful about that pure love of things. Like, "I'll show that I love the thing I love by hating everything else."