Noel Coward said work is more fun than fun, but then he didn't work in the Bird's Eye factory packing frozen fish fingers nine hours a day, did he?

Comedy, your funny bone, is formed in childhood.

If I wanted your opinion, I'd slap it outta ya.

It's become normal for me to walk on set as Popeye, Frankenstein or an Elf or even a chicken.

My primary school teacher once poured a bottle of curdled school milk forcefully down my throat. Then I threw it up all over her suede shoes. I'd rather have drunk from the spittoon in Barney's barber shop.

I don't want to sound like Catherine Cookson but I've worked since I was eight, with a paper round and in a fruit and veg shop. Taking a pay cut won't demotivate me, not at all. It's not about money in the first place. It's about the job.

I like a Blackpool breakfast, me - 20 ciggies and a pot of tea.