I dont live with people, thats why my relationships last. Im not romantic. Even when I was a teenager if somebody asked if they could hold my hand Id say, - no, its not heavy, I can hold it myself, thank you.

I am quite happy to take a cut. You've got to, if you want to work and continue working.

My primary school teacher once poured a bottle of curdled school milk forcefully down my throat. Then I threw it up all over her suede shoes. I'd rather have drunk from the spittoon in Barney's barber shop.

I've frequently been asked over the years who Lily Savage was based on and I've always answered that it was no one in particular and she was just a figment of my imagination. The truth, I realise now, is that Lily owes a lot to the women I encountered in my childhood. Characteristics and attitudes were observed and absorbed, Aunty Chris's in particular, and they provided the roots and compost for the Lily that would germinate and grow later on.

Noel Coward said work is more fun than fun, but then he didn't work in the Bird's Eye factory packing frozen fish fingers nine hours a day, did he?

I dress up as a middle-aged prostitute and do a game show.

I like a Blackpool breakfast, me - 20 ciggies and a pot of tea.