The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.

Two or three times a week, I drive by the houses of numbers 78-100 just to rub it in.

Once in a while you get a moment of clarity - an inspiration - and they don't come that frequently.

If a tree falls on your head in a forest and no one hears it, it still hurts.

New parents always sound like hucksters in a pyramid scheme. Anyone who has kids and then gets you to go and have kids gets a check from Huckster Headquarters.

The first time I tried to put a new diaper on my baby, I yanked the little Velcro strap too jerkily and actually punched the little guy in the jaw. A real solid shot, too. I knew instinctively that this could not be correct. Unless you're specifically trying to raise a welterweight, continual deliverance of powerful uppercuts is not advised when handling newborns.

The most used appliance in our house is my 10-year-old son Leon's Xbox.