I'm right-handed, and the police report said I was jerking off with my left hand. That would have been the end of the case right there, proof it couldn't have been me.

I've always been very interested in ensemble work. One reason why I don't go out and do a stand-up act is that I did it once and I found it unsatisfying. I don't really like being out there by myself. I like reacting with other people.

Part of what I do comes from the fact that I don't know any jokes to tell. And when I do they're really flat and don't work.

I can be on the Tonight Show, but not with Johnny [Carson]. He uses my name in his monologue all the time.

I've always felt like a kid, and I still feel like a kid, and I've never had any problem tapping into my childhood, and my kid side.

I can sit in the room with the other writers and just keep saying no until there's something I really like or until I come up with something. In that respect the proportion of what's mine and what's other people's is controlled by me. It isn't even fair to talk about.

I think the first time I was on The David Letterman Show, he didn't quite know what to expect. I think people generally are just a little afraid.