It's a lot easier to say you're a comic than a performance artist.

I was looking for a last name that was a first name. Growing up, I knew a kid who was the most obnoxious kid I ever knew, and his last name was Herman.

I can be on the Tonight Show, but not with Johnny [Carson]. He uses my name in his monologue all the time.

I can sit in the room with the other writers and just keep saying no until there's something I really like or until I come up with something. In that respect the proportion of what's mine and what's other people's is controlled by me. It isn't even fair to talk about.

Why would I, in a million years, want to do anything even remotely having to do with child molestation on a children's show? See, I take having a kids' show real seriously. I think it's an enormous responsibility.

Part of what I do comes from the fact that I don't know any jokes to tell. And when I do they're really flat and don't work.

I don't think Bruce Willis can compete with me. I have a much better voice.