Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.

My parents were married my whole life until my father passed away a few years ago.

I was at a dinner party with a group of people, and we were talking about fake names. You know, how its difficult to come up with a really great fake name. Its a very specific type of gift. You don't want to go too far into the silly, and you don't want to go too far into the banal. I always thought one of the funniest names ever was Gern Blanston, which came from a Steve Martin routine on one of his early records.

I think there's something great and generic about goldfish. They're everybody's first pet.

A lot of people say, "What's the worst part about being an actor?" And the worst part is that you're not a musician.

Theater is the most enriching and thrilling thing to do as an actor.

I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes.