I love [my parents], but what if I could really talk to them? I mean, what if they had some answers? Or would that just be too weird?

I just hate that gay role models are supposed to be just like straight people, as if even straight people are like that.

I think people who make checklists are the most miserable and alone because they are looking for the perfect Entenmann's that is delicious and has no calories. Please, you want a brunette with a sense of humor, a doctorate and HIV-negative status? Good luck, honey. Love isn't so frequent that you can put conditions on it.

Most gay bashers will be wearing what gay people had on four years earlier - only in polyester with a Penney's label.

Yes, I shot my wife because I thought she was Bigfoot, but I'm from New Jersey.

I was once all by myself in a house on Fire Island. Where I compared the original cast recordings of two different versions of The Wild Party. A helicopter should have descended and taken me away to a gay penal colony. But of course, I was already there.

If God didn't want you to have it, He would never have let you see it.