You're not supposed to cuss when you're an old lady, and just when there's so much more to cuss about.

forgetting things is what gives old age a bad name, that and old age.

... I've never found anything whatsoever that is as easy to do the right way as the wrong way, and if there is such a thing I would like to know about it.

Like a chastity belt, the package tour keeps you out of mischief but a bit restive for wondering what you missed.

Mothers always think you are working either too hard or not hard enough.

travel never made a bore interesting; it only makes for a well-traveled bore, in the same way coffee makes for a wide-awake drunk. In fact, the more a bore travels, the worse he gets. The only advantage in it for his friends and family is that he isn't home as much.

The fact is, the cocktail party has much in its favor. Going to one is a good way of indicating that you're still alive and about, if such is the case, and that you're glad other people are, without having to spend an entire evening proving it.