a celebrity is someone who no longer does the things that made him a celebrity.

There are worse things than being fat, and one of them is worrying about it all the time.

It is important to remember that these are your Declining Years, in which you can jolly well decline to do what you don't feel like doing, unless not doing it would make you feel worse than doing it.

Peas went with carrots as infallibly as ham went with eggs. For years I thought carrots and peas grew on the same vine.

When you're little, time stretches obligingly, and vacation is forever.

What most of us are after, when we have a picture taken, is a good natural-looking picture that doesn't resemble us.

the most all-around, practical, long-wearing illusions are the ones that you weave yourself.