Gays feel about popularity the same way teenage girls do. Is it that we really want friends we can count on, or do we just want guys around us whom we can share our curlers with?

There are two things in life that money cannot buy: health and happiness. Aside from that, it does an excellent job.

Learn the absolute pleasure of kindness.

To extend oneself does not necessarily mean to have an erection.

The Egyptians had a particularly nasty way of getting rid of people they felt had no consequence. Instead of embalming them, they simply constructed a fake mummy made from old strips of linen wrapped around a dummy of mud. If, in our modern world, you feel that there are a lot of "mud mummies" around you, get rid of the mud.

Hold the door for an old man. Old ladies can take care of themselves; they've been doing it long enough.

Realize the complicated specials of what we call the "inferiority complex." In other words, what, Miss Thing, is so damn special about you to make you feel so specially inferior to any other jerk?