Falling in love with another man is like falling into a vast vat of yourself. For some men this is ultimately nourishing, for others . . . it is drowning.

If you've been taught to keep every part of you to yourself, don't expect people to come knocking on your door to run their hands over the choice parts-either for your pleasure or theirs.

Oscar Wilde said that the gods punish us in two ways: first, they don't give us what we want, then, they do. He forgot the third way: we finally see the cost of getting it.

Although some fools find rudeness sexy, it is never the path to seduction.

There may be a point in your life in which you are drowning so fast and fighting it so furiously that you don't have the strength left to call out for help. At that point don't expect one of your friends to jump into the water, if you've spent most of your life instructing them to mind their own business.

Gays feel about popularity the same way teenage girls do. Is it that we really want friends we can count on, or do we just want guys around us whom we can share our curlers with?

Have hot, wild sex with a friend. Then go out and do something stupid, like bowl, afterwards.