Love is an act of endless forgiveness. It means forget inconvenient duties, then forgive yourself for forgetting. By rigid practice and stern determination, it comes easy.

Sex is a conversation carried out by other means. If you get on well out of bed, half the problems of bed are solved.

If Botticelli were alive today he'd be working for Vogue.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

I'm Rally of Unionist Separist Extremes, sometimes known as the R.U.S.E. … It's the party at present in power.

There are experts in little things but there are no experts in big things. There are experts in this fact and that fact but there are no moral experts.

Laughter would be bereaved if snobbery died.