At the age of four with paper hats and wooden swords we're all Generals. Only some of us never grow out of it.

Flogging. The only solution to every problem. I warrant even the culprit himself doesn't know! It was just... his... turn!

I was irrevocably betrothed to laughter, the sound of which has always seemed to me the most civilised music in the world.

I had started by imitating a parrot, which is unusual, in that a parrot is supposed to imitate you. By taking the initiative you allow the parrot no alternative but to be itself, which proves again that attack is often the best defence.

Sex is a conversation carried out by other means. If you get on well out of bed, half the problems of bed are solved.

And here is the lesson I learned in the army. If you want to do a thing badly, you have to work at it as though you want to do it well.

Love is an act of endless forgiveness. It means forget inconvenient duties, then forgive yourself for forgetting. By rigid practice and stern determination, it comes easy.