If Stalin ever told me to urinate, I'm not sure I'd be able to.

Praising the Lord and passing the ammunition are mutually exclusive ideas.

Will you remember me when I'm gone?

Some people are uncomfortable with the idea that humans belong to the same class of animals as cats and cows and raccoons. They're like the people who become successful and then don't want to be reminded of the old neighborhood.

Presenting statues of honor to reporters for covering an earthquake is like presenting a first prize to a doctor for performing surgery.

The establishment people tell us that if the workers wanted to share the profits, it was called communism. When management wants to share profits, it's called a bonus.

I tip like crazy. Theyll remember me. Celebrity can be expensive.