All that we don't know is astonishing. Even more astonishing is what passes for knowing.

Doctor, I had never had anybody like her in my life, she was the fulfillment of my most lascivious adolescent dreams– but marry her, can she be serious? You see, for all her preening and perfumes, she has a very low opinion of herself, and simultaneously– and here is the source of much of our trouble-a ridiculously high opinion of me. And simultaneously, a very low opinion of me! She is one confused Monkey, and, I'm afraid, not too very bright.

You can't write good satirical fiction in America because reality will quickly outdo anything you might invent.

The only way to have a funeral is to invite everyone who ever knew the person and just wait for the accident to happen-somebody who comes in out of the blue and says the truth. Everything else is table manners.

There's something every woman wants, and that's a man to blame.

Life is just a short period of time in which you are alive.

--nor had I understood til then how the shameless vanity of utter fools can so strongly determine the fate of others