Health food shops can make people feel very important; it's like a brand new religion with people trying to convert you to quinoa.

I told the ambulance men the wrong blood type for my ex, so he knows what rejection feels like.

I was a precocious child.

If you had of told me age 10 that in 19 years time I would be on a stage in Salford performing with Les Dennis in a sitcom I had written, I would have believed you.

Until I was about 14, I was a fat boy, or at least I looked like a fat boy. I think that being funny was a bit of a defence mechanism for me, so I ended up being a bit of a joker.

I knew 'Be Our Guest' would be performed on a set and in costume, but anyone with a history in Theatre In Education will know that can mean anything.

I don't know if I was funny as a child, though I always thought my parents really enjoyed listening to me sing.