I am the last of Britain's stately homos.

The English think that incompetence is the same thing as sincerity.

Flowers are words even a baby can understand.

One of the special beauties of America is that it is the only country in the world where you are not advised to learn the language before entering. Before I ever set out for the United States, I asked a friend if I should study American. His answer was unequivocal. "On no account," he said. "The more English you sound, the more likely you are to be believed."

If you truly love me, kill the bartender.

The Americans, of course, are quite dotty with hospitality.

The key is never, never work. Nothing is more aging than work. It's not only the strain of getting up in the morning for work, but it's the resentment that settles on your face