The Americans, of course, are quite dotty with hospitality.

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

I am told that you regret not what you did but what you didn't do; and so that's why I do everything, so as not to have any regrets.

Of course I lie to people. But I lie altruistically - for our mutual good. The lie is the basic building block of good manners. That may seem mildly shocking to a moralist - but then what isn't?

I don't know how people act. I've never understood that.

My outlook was so limited that I assumed that all deviates were openly despised and rejected. Their grief and their fear drew my melancholy nature strongly. At first I only wanted to wallow in their misery, but, as time went by, I longed to reach its very essence. Finally I desired to represent it. By this process I managed to shift homosexuality from being a burden to being a cause. The weight lifted and some of the guilt evaporated.

Every day someone notices me and waves to me, or stops and speaks to me, or asks me for an autograph, or photographs me.