Any film is at least better than real life.

The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?'

Now you can leave home at any time you like.Your mother comes down and finds a picture of the Eiffel Tower on her plate. And she says, 'Oh! Rosemary's gone to Paris. No wonder the bathroom was so tidy.' And nobody minds. But in my day, to go abroad with all those wicked Frenchmen, what would become of them? So no-one ever went anywhere.

Most men when they make up their faces, the makeup stands forward, and their faces are behind.

When asked, 'Shall I tell my mother I'm gay?', I reply, 'Never tell your mother anything.

Manners are love in a cool climate.