Sex is the last refuge of the miserable.

Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh.

One of the special beauties of America is that it is the only country in the world where you are not advised to learn the language before entering. Before I ever set out for the United States, I asked a friend if I should study American. His answer was unequivocal. "On no account," he said. "The more English you sound, the more likely you are to be believed."

Euphemisms are not, as many young people think, useless verbiage for that which can and should be said bluntly; they are like secret agents on a delicate mission, they must airily pass by a stinking mess with barely so much as a nod of the head, make their point of constructive criticism and continue on in calm forbearance. Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.

Women have decided to be people, which is a great mistake. Women were nicer than people.

I don't think I have a tragic demeanor.

I am told that you regret not what you did but what you didn't do; and so that's why I do everything, so as not to have any regrets.