Vice is its own reward.

Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?'

I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds.

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

Politics are not an instrument for effecting social change; they are the art of making the inevitable appear to be a matter of wise human choice.

I now realize that education is a last wild effort on the part of the authorities to prevent an overdose of leisure from driving the world mad. Learning is no longer an improver; it is merely the most expensive time-filler the world has ever known.