Quentin Crisp (to handsome young man on the street): "What's the matter, sexy? Don't you like dehydrated fruit?

Europeans have quarrelled since the beginning of time.

To my disappointment I now realized that to know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody.

To live in the past is to miss today's opportunities and tomorrow's blessings.

It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?'

You should make no effort to try to join society, stay right where you are. Give your name and serial number and wait for society to come to you.