Quentin Crisp (to handsome young man on the street): "What's the matter, sexy? Don't you like dehydrated fruit?

In New York, I find people so courteous and so generous. Free drinks in bars. Free taxi rides.

What would you be like if you were the only person in the world? If you want to be truly happy you must be that person.

You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave.

Flowers are words even a baby can understand.

Masturbation is not only an expression of self-regard: it is also the natural emotional outlet of those who...have already accepted as inevitable the wide gulf between their real futures and the expectations of their fantasies.

You can behave as badly as you like in America. Nobody notices.