The reason we all need a mutton alert, which needs constant testing, like smoke alarms, is because there is really no such thing as age-appropriate dressing any longer, as I know because my wardrobe is interchangeable with my daughter's.

If there's anything worse than being 16, it's having parents visibly reliving their own teenage years in your anguished presence.

In Germany, salads are assemblies of ham and mayonnaise, not trendy tossed leaves.

English people are famous for never speaking out but only saying what they really feel about you behind your back. Americans believe the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. I like exploring those, er, differences in national snippiness.

People always say theres no such thing as bad publicity, and you always think theyre right, because it seems self-evident: nobodys going to buy a magazine that nobody ever talks about, so people should want to buy a magazine that everybodys talking about.

If you tell the truth you get into trouble, and that's why politicians are extremely dull.

When I'm called unkind... that really cuts to the quick. You can say anything else that you like about me.