I've come a long way to get nowhere at all, I thought. And I've spent everything I have to get here.

I tap a Malediction out of the box, fire it up, and puff. It tastes like a tire fire in a candy factory next door to a strip club. The best cigarettes ever.

No wonder Sherlock Holmes did all that coke. Math is hard.

If his drunkenness had legs, it would be Alexander the Great and conquer the known world. Then it would puke for a week into a solid gold toilet it stole from Zeus's guest room.

I came ready to fight Genghis Khan and I walk in on a shut-in playing the biggest Dungeons and Dragons game in history.

He wore his fear on his skin for everyone to see.

Don't talk. Kill it." That might be the sweetest thing a woman's ever said to me on a first date.