When that fire hit your ass, it will sober your ass up quick! I saw something, I went, Well, that's a pretty blue. You know what? That looks like... FIRE! Fire is inspirational. They should use it in the Olympics, because I ran the 100 in 4.3.

What I never understand about a hangover is, where does the breath come from? You know what I mean? I mean, is someone shitting in your mouth?

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying till I get it right.

I'd like to make you laugh for about ten minutes though I'm gonna be on for an hour.

If you want a friend, you don't buy a friend, Eric, you earn a friend through love and trust and respect.

When I was in Africa, this voice came to me and said, "Richard, what do you see?" I said, "I see all types of people." The voice said, "But do you see any niggers?" I said, "No." It said, "Do you know why? 'Cause there aren't any."

Who you gonna believe-me or your lying eyes?